personal.
i will never learn how to be grounded, and i’m okay with that- but many people aren’t. like my mother, parents are so interesting. they bring you here, they were brought here by their parents, so on and so fourth-
but it blows my mind how they just keep on…
continuing -
the cycle.
i am young. please let me be, mother. you’re so concerned and conceited in your faith (The Unification Church) (look it up). you think you know the fucking answers? HA FUCKING HA. i must learn these things on my own. just because you are completely against same-sex relationships does not mean that i am as well. just because you believe your religion is true does not mean that it is to me. i am happy that you are content with the life the you live; but i hope mine never gets to that point. the same shit every day will make your fucking brain melt. i absolutley love you with the entirety of my being, and i’m sorry that i can’t be who you want me to be! i’m going to do what i feel is right.
but dear father,
i know you never knew your father. i’m so sorry that all of your 5 other siblings knew your father and you didn’t. what are the odds that a father dies just two weeks before his baby boy is born? he never saw his face. he never learned how to be a dad, he’s so much more than that to me.
my father never saw his father’s face, therefore i am eternally greatful for being able to see your face, daddy. i know you think you’re an awful dad, and at a point in my life you absolutley ruined it- but you taught me more than anyone ever will. you don’t want me to be grounded. never settle, you always tell me that i got my “fuck authority” atitude from you. i absolutley love that i’m similar to you. everyone thinks we look alike, people always tell me i have my father’s eyes, people tell me my charature is similar to yours. i am completely proud of this, i am proud of you. my mother will never stop blaming you for the broken home you caused, but who gives a fuck about broken homes? aren’t they everywhere?
my father grew up in Maddock, North Dakota on a farm. the first twenty years of his life were spent there. he never stepped foot outside of that state. When he was 20, he bought a 30-day all access bus ticket for $120. for 30 days he could go anywhere, all he needed was his bus pass. my father went all over north dakota, then to south dakota to visit my aunt vickie. later he went to texas to visit his brother john, and then oklahoma. he ventured out to washington and then arrived in california. he had his backpack and a pillow. he was broke. he met heart-warming people, he learned about himself and his surrondings. he branched out.
he said, “it was the first time i realized that i was actually, truly alive and so, so alone in the world.”
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